Podcast Transcript

Episode 53: A Journey Towards Positive Body Relationships: The Story of Holistic Wellness with Instagram Influencer, Ivy Felicia

[Bouncy theme music plays.]

Sam: Hey, I’m Sam.

Ashley: Hi, I’m Ashley, and you’re listening to All Bodies. All Foods. presented by The Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders. We want to create a space for all bodies to come together authentically and purposefully to discuss various areas that impact us on a cultural and relational level.

Sam: We believe that all bodies and all foods are welcome. We would love for you to join us on this journey. Let’s learn together.

Ashley: Welcome back to our season of stories on All Bodies, All Foods. Today, we are discussing the incredible journey of Ivy Felicia on her road to becoming the body relationship coach. Body image thoughts tend to be no stranger to folks with eating disorders, or let’s be honest, pretty much everyone in our culture. Body image is defined as your own view of yourself, what you believe to be true about your body, your feelings about your body, and how it feels to be in your own body. Body image is learned, and our culture and environments play a large role in shaping our body image. Lastly, body image directly affects our self-esteem and general life functioning. With our culture being quite fatphobic and obsessed with the thin ideal, we know that it is imperative to unlearn many of the aspects we have been taught about our body image. So we have invited our guest, Ivy Felicia, the body relationship coach, to join us for our conversation today. Ivy has been a certified holistic wellness coach and body image expert for over 10 years. She helps people of all body types make peace with their bodies so they can thrive in their lives. She offers tools and resources through writing, teaching, speaking, and coaching, and her work has helped thousands, worldwide, transform their relationship with their bodies.

Ashley: Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of All Bodies All Foods. Ashley here with my co-host Sam and our very special guest, Ivy Felicia. Ivy, thank you so much for joining us today.

Ivy: Thank you all for having me. I’m excited to have a conversation with you today.

Ashley: Yeah, so we first came across your information on Instagram and started following you and absolutely adore your content. And so I was curious if we kind of learn about you a little bit. What got you started in creating content? What’s your relationship with your body like? Here’s another big question. When was the first time that you noticed your body? All kinds of things in that nature. Ready, set, go.

Ivy: Right. I’ll try and do them in sequential order. Actually, the work that I do is very much about my body. It’s founded and rooted in my relationship with my body, which is why I call it body relationship coaching. It really began for me with the fact that I do live in a marginalized body, and I’ve always been in a larger body. Even as early as I can remember would be like preschool, remembering that the other children were commenting on my body, and prior to that, I didn’t notice that there was anything wrong with my body. So other children, the first thing they commented on was my belly. And I talk about this in my work that, ironically, that has been one of the longest challenges when it came to acceptance, was accepting my belly. But because as a child, I just, I had a belly compared to the other children. And I was getting bullied on the playground and things like that. And that is my first memory, noticing that my body was different than the other children, right, or than other people. And it just continued throughout life. Definitely went through bullying as a teen, and it very much shaped my concept of self, and how I measured up to traditional beauty standards as a young adult and all of those things. I was diagnosed with PCOS as a late teen. So, at 17 years old was when I was diagnosed with PCOS, which was in the 90s. So that was a very long time ago, and medicine was not in any way progressive or, you know, there was a lot of information about it. I went through the journey of PCOS being a very confusing thing for even doctors. And so, of course, it was confusing for those of us who lived with it.

Ashley: Yes.

Ivy: I also am a sexual assault survivor, so that also impacted my relationship with my body, so many things in my life spread around my body. It’s no surprise, I feel like, it’s very much a part of my calling to do body work.

Ashley: Yeah. What kind of got you on the platform of Instagram, and how did that start for you?

Ivy: When Instagram, well, I will say I’m an Android user. I know that Instagram started with on Apple products first. So I was late to the game of getting on Instagram, but when I got on Instagram, even when I went back and look, you know, now it’s on my earliest post, they centered conversation around my body. And even at that time, I was not, you know, I didn’t have a brand or a business. It was just sort of like, hey, these are the things that, you know, matter to me. And these are the things that I care about. And at that time, I was also going through an evolution around my body and releasing, divesting from diet culture, you know, really a lot of beauty standards, so as I went through my journey, I was bringing my followers along with me. And I think that’s what actually resonated so deeply with a lot of people.

Ashley: Yeah, I think that just to that that ability to be reflective and authentic about what you’re experiencing, and one of the biggest things and some of the work that I do with my clients is helping them tailor kind of like their visual appetite or like their visual diet, if you will, and so being able to be a part of social media with folks that share similar stories as you is so impactful, especially when they’re walking through their own healing journey. That can just be so helpful.

Ivy: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that, like you said, the fact that there’s resonance with the same people who look like us, because in mainstream media, especially those of us who are marginalized bodies. A lot of people, I’ve been doing this work for over 11 years, so especially 11 years ago, you were not seeing black women in large bodies living with chronic illness on the internet. It just was not there. So it was refreshing for a lot of people to see that type of conversation coming up,  and then when I added in, I went to school to become a certified holistic wellness coach. And so I think that even added more nuance because I was able to talk about, “okay, yes, we’re leaving diet culture, but then what?” You know, for people who wanted to figure out, “okay, well, what do I do? Like, how do I nourish myself? How do I care for myself? How do I take care of my body?” You know, what will, “can that, is that possible?” You know, “is it possible to practice wellness and not diet?” So that’s another added layer of nuance that I’m able to offer to my followers.

Sam: This brings me to my next question for you, Ivy, you know, on your social media, you’re so open about this intersection of chronic illness, living in a larger body, living in a marginalized body. And I’m wondering if you can say more about how do you help others heal, you know, those who are living, you know, with this inner these intersections, you know, how did it shape the view of yourself? How did you start your healing?

Ivy: It really was a blend for me of body image healing, and then also learning how to navigate living with chronic illness. Because like I just described in my story, a great deal of my relationship with my body has been shaped by my body image, but then also the fact that I live with multiple chronic illnesses. Being able to focus on, learning for myself, how to navigate body image healing and sharing those tools with others and then learning how holistic wellness could actually be a part of that healing process, right? So I went to school in 2014 to become a certified holistic wellness coach. And that was actually driven by the fact that I went to an integrative doctor in 2012, and that was the very first physician to treat me as a whole person. And what I mean by that is that prior to that, all the physicians that I dealt with in my early adulthood and my journey with PCOS had always focused on my weight only. And so when I went into the doctor’s office, it was always, “you need to lose weight, you need to lose weight. How can you lose weight?” My last and most challenging situation with a fatphobic doctor, he was really trying to push weight loss surgery on me and actually got angry with me because I would not give in to doing weight loss surgery. And he told me to my face, “well, if you don’t want to do that, there’s nothing else I can do for you.” And that like actually launched a lot of the work that I do now because it sort of was like, what do you do as a person when, you know, medicine gives up on you and basically says, like, “if you’re in this type of body and you’re not willing to change that body, then we basically wash our hands of you.”

Ashley:  Yeah, so from that, I’m taking away you developed this this program, The Body Relationship Coach, right? And you offer services now. And I was curious if you could share more about the services you provide.

Ivy: Yeah, absolutely. So body relationship coaching as an extension of what I just shared is a merging of body image coaching and holistic wellness coaching, right? So I help people who feel frustration, shame, anger, sadness, any sort of negative emotions about their body. I help them learn how to make peace with their bodies through holistic wellness. And for people who are not familiar with what that means, because I know that wellness also has a negative connotation for a lot of people, holistic wellness means practicing wellness from a 360 perspective, right? So much like that doctor who changed my life did for me, instead of just looking at one point of who you are as a human being, we’re considering your mental well-being, your emotional well-being, your spiritual well-being, your physical well-being. And when I work with people, we also talk about what’s your, you know, your family life like, you know, what are what are some ways that we can add routines to minimize your stress, like all of those things actually do deeply affect your relationship with your body. And I think that people love it because it gives so much more depth and expansion to ways that we can connect with our bodies and heal our body relationship.

Ashley: Yes.

Sam: That’s wonderful. Just focusing on the whole person and all the aspects of health. You know, I feel like in this culture, health is defined in such a narrow way. And you’re showing people that health and wellness is very broad. And it really requires us to take that, as you said, that 360 view.

Ashley: Well, I find it interesting, too, when people come in to meet with any of us on here. When they say something like, I just want to be quote unquote healthy, or I want to get healthy. It really invites us to like explore what does that mean to you? And where does your definition of health end? And can I show you this 360 view of really what all health can be?

Ivy: Yes, I was recently talking to a client and just saying it really is about your why. Right. I know we hear that all the time even in business. What’s your why? But a lot of times people don’t understand because of the way that things are marketed in society.” I want to be healthier” or “I want to look a certain way,” right? And it’s sort of like, “let’s dig deeper, why?” Yeah. And a lot of times when you dig deeper and dig deeper and dig deeper with someone, it’s sort of like, “I want to be accepted. I want to feel confident. I want to feel peaceful. I want to have a loving relationship with another human being or a partnership. Or I’m trying to lose weight because I feel like I can’t be successful in business because of the way I look.” There are so many other things that are deeper and people are starting at the surface, which is understandable when they first come to us, right? But for me, my work is having that 360 view helps you get to your why, and it also makes you realize that your life can be so expansive to where you don’t have to just focus on your image and the aesthetics. There’s so much more to life.

Sam: That’s such important work, peeling back those layers and getting to those real authentic needs that are deep down, and unpacking the stories we tell ourselves that aren’t always true. You know, what we think a smaller body will give us or what we think we, you know, what needs to happen for us to get what we really want. Ivy, I was, I wanted to learn more about your ebook. You published a free ebook that folks can download from your website. It’s called, Body War No More: Make Peace With Your Body and Thrive in Life. And I’d love to learn more about the background of this project. What led you to develop this tool?

Ivy: Yes. Again, lived experience. Lived experience, you know, for so long, I was personally at war with my body. And for me, I think that can look different for everyone. But for me, that looked like dieting, you know, food restriction, excessive fitness. It looked like always basing my worth on my appearance, and I think a lot of other people and maybe some of the listeners can agree with that, resonates with them as well. And so for a little while, my work was on body love, right? Like, oh, love your body. And then I realized that that was not as accessible, again, lived experience, because I thought I was, you know, back in like 2013, 2014, I was all about body love.  Body love, body love, body love. And then I went through another health challenge with a thyroid condition that’s an extension of PCOS. And I realized that I really don’t like this. There’s some things about my body that I don’t love, and I learned to make peace with that, and I realized that that was more accessible. When I was saying body love, that that actually was just as difficult for people as trying to get a perfect body, right? Being in a perfect size, it was another form of perfection. So Body War No More is just helping people understand that you can learn how to access peace, even if you can’t get to body love. And it’s a beginning introduction on some things that are accessible ways that you can practice to beginning your journey to body peace.

Ashley: I love that so much, Ivy. And I’ll say, you know, as a person that also has lived in a larger body my entire life, like the full concept grasping the thought of like body love at times feels unattainable, you know? And like, and even, I mean, it doesn’t matter really what type of body you live in, probably anybody might have that experience, right? I appreciate that concept, instead of making peace with the parts of who you are, so that you’re not at war with yourself, because we know, oh, it breaks my heart, like we know what it’s like to receive the constant, messaging that, that we’re not okay, just as we are, that we’re not good enough. Like you mentioned, you know, in your younger years, going to the doctor and literally everything being about your weight. Or I remember being, I think, honestly, I was in like first grade and I was sitting at the lunch room table with a group of people and we had just come back from the summer and everybody was like listing off their weight and I knew what my weight was even in the first grade, you know, right? Because comparison and that education of “we have to look a certain way starts really young.” So I knew what my weight was, and I was not planning on sharing it because it was so much different, you know, than some of my peers. And so anyway, I just, that body war, I feel like can resonate so much like that concept, that back and forth pool resonates so much with folks.

Sam: I think it also can be such a relief when people hear in therapy that it’s, that we’re not going to make the goal to love your body. You know, and it’s like, “oh, thank goodness cause I don’t know if I could get there, you know, for a lot of different reasons.” You know, learning about body acceptance or body neutrality, it just can be such a relief for people.

Ivy: Yeah. And even people, you know, I like to say that it’s a journey, not a destination, you know, body peace. And there’s ebb and flow. I’m always very honest with my clients. Some of them, I worked with an individual coaching and now they’re in a group together. And when we get together, we talk about the ways in which they were able to get over certain challenges with their bodies, but now there’s new things coming up. Like a big conversation now is, you know, being perimenopausal or menopausal.

Sam: Exactly.

Ivy: All the changes that that brings to your body. Now you’re frustrated with the whole new set of things with your body and you’re not even maybe as worried about maybe your weight or your appearance, but it’s sort of like, “oh, these odd things are happening with my body and now I’m uncomfortable and I’m frustrated in a new way.” And if we were to put that under the lens of perfection and body love, people would be frustrated and thinking that they’re failing consistently. But if you know that “it’s okay, it’s all right that you’re feeling frustration. What are the tools that’s dig into our toolkit and figure out how do we make peace with this stage of our relationship with our body?”

Sam:  Exactly. Exactly.

Ashley: So Ivy, you offer both individual coaching and group coaching?

Ivy: Yes.

Ashley: Okay. Awesome. That’s great. And our folks can find that by going to your Instagram, going to your website, which we will definitely pop up on this information. Well, so speaking of your Instagram page, I found a photo that you posted back in 2022. And you kind of touched on this in your intro, but I wanted to read a little bit because it, first of all, I thought the photo was so beautiful. Also, it was validating to me because it was a photo of your belly and my belly is kind of the same way, you know, and it just felt so lovely to see that in holding space in such a beautiful way for you. So the post reads, well, it was a picture of your belly with strands of beads around it. And you said, “how come we’re only supposed to be proud of a round belly if there’s a baby in it? Are our human bellies only beautiful when they act as hosts for other humans? My belly was the final frontier when it came to making peace with my body. It was the first thing I remember being bullied about in kindergarten, and it was the last part of my body I learned to make peace with. Do I love my belly? Nope. However, I do honor it with loving energy every day. I honor my abundant belly for holding my fuel, housing my emotions, housing my sensual energy, being home to my intuition, being a soft place for loved ones to lay their head, and much more.” And you go on, there’s so much more to that post, but it was so kind to me in a way, this self-compassion component for the parts of our bodies that might be the hardest for us to like connect with. And so I was just curious if you could share more about this post. What was this space that you were in and just enlighten us a little bit more about this particular post.

Ivy: It definitely is an extension of the conversation that you know, we had about how it started with the belly for me. And this was, I was actually creating a program called Belly Bliss, and it was a live event at the time, and it was going to be a celebration of our bellies, and it was just inviting people who have, you know, had this connection from their bellies. Also, it gave an opportunity to expand the conversation around what does it look like to honor our bodies for being more than just carrying life because I know that that’s something that we also see in media where it’s sort of like, oh, people take photos and things like that. Where it’s like, “oh, it’s so beautiful. Look at that beautiful round belly.” But it’s never in any other way do we honor round bellies, right? It’s only during that time. It’s what really minimizes the way that we celebrate bellies, and my goal was to expand that and to say that all bellies are not the same. They come in different shapes and sizes and they all deserve to be celebrated and adorned, which is why my picture is with my African waist beads at the time.

Ashley: Do you have like a tool or an intervention you might use for somebody that might be having this hard space with their belly or any other part of their body that you could share with us?

Ivy: At this time, I don’t have a specific tool that’s for belly, but it is a part of the conversation that we do have around body relationship. And so, you know, it would be integrated into that, because I do know, like you said, that certain people have different parts of their bodies that are more challenging for them. So I do, even in my coaching, I try not to be too prescriptive because I know that we all have different journeys with our bodies. But belly bliss is one of my favorite events that we know we did right before the world shut down. We did that event. So, yeah, it’s always going to be near and dear to my heart.

Ashley: Are you going to bring it back?

Ivy: Now that we’re talking about it, you sort of brought up my field again.

Ashley: So one more kind of just like tangent question about that. So with your belly really kind of being that last place of acceptance, even for yourself with making your body piece. Is there anything in particular that that you affirm yourself with or say to yourself or any way that you are gentle with your belly these days?

Ivy:  I love that question. I will say that my relationship with my own belly has evolved since that post. I’m at the point of love with my belly. At that point, I was just in acceptance with it. But, and that’s the beautiful thing too, right? Like acceptance can evolve into love. It doesn’t have to, it has the potential, you know, but there’s no pressure. So me, I do, I’m an oil person. So I have, I love rituals. So, you know, I take my shower and when I get out, you know, rubbing down my body, saying affirmations, definitely rubbing down my belly and saying kind things has been so liberating, especially for a person who lives with an endocrine disorder such as PCOS where that illness lives in my belly area, in my womb area. So it’s very important to be affirming to the very area where my illness lives, right? So it’s a form of me also practicing acceptance around my chronic illness.

Sam: I love the idea also of just holding onto hope. I mean, for all of us that your relationship with your body can change from acceptance to love and just to be open to that possibility. I just think that’s a really beautiful thing. Ivy, I was also curious about, you know, you work with folks in your coaching business and, I’m just curious, if someone is joining you for the first time compared to maybe someone who has met with you 20 times, how might that conversation change or how might the tools change that you provide?

Ivy: That’s a really great question. No one has ever asked that question before. So when a person first comes in, I understand that most likely, we’re starting at the beginning and they are coming with, sometimes they are being motivated by external goals, right? So, we’re making peace with external goals. So I’m understanding and compassionate and empathetic about that because I remember being there. That might be your motivation, like, “I want to feel better about how I look in the mirror,” or some people do want to be a certain size, and that is okay if you start out that way, because we’re going to get to the why. And my goal for my clients is always, I tell them from the beginning, is to help them tap into their intuitive power so that they can get to the point where they’re making decisions about their bodies from an empowered place, and the reason that that is a goal is because when it comes to, you know, food relationship, when it comes to fitness, when it comes to medical decisions, anything, when you have learned how to connect with your intuitive power and make autonomous, you know, reclaim autonomy with your body, then you can pretty much navigate anything. So once you’ve been with me for a while, I am actually giving you more accountability, right? A lot of my clients, when we work in sessions, will, as we get comfortable and I’m asking questions and they’ll say, “I don’t know.” And I’ll always remind them, “you do know, but let’s pause,” right? “And think about why do you think you don’t know?” And then the answer comes and I’m like, yeah, “so you did know.” And there is something empowering and liberating in that aha of “I do know,” right? Because diet culture, society, beauty standards have taught us and programmed us to believe that we don’t know what to do about our bodies. So you grow to the point with working with me where you learn and believe and trust that I do know.

Ashley: Yeah. I would imagine that’s a really helpful tool or space for someone who feels even stuck. Like say it is somebody that’s been with you, you know, that’s done 20 plus sessions and they’re just feeling kind of stuck because we know that that’s part of the process, too. And also I think this reminds us what you said earlier. It’s a journey, not a destination.

Ivy: Yeah, I still have clients, again, some work with me individually and then they move into a group where the individuals who have graduated individual coaching are together just to keep each other accountable and things like that. And we do meet together and things still come up. And it’s a reminder of, okay, tap into your intuitive knowing about this and sit with it. And it’s okay to make decisions about your body. Like, I know this new thing is making you doubt or maybe feel fear or question, but let’s return to that knowing. Also, let’s tap into the tools that you’ve learned, you know, self-care rituals, wellness rituals, those things to help you feel more affirmed, as well. And then they get right back in there and they make their decisions. And it’s like, “OK, I’m feeling more confident. I’m feeling more grounded.”

Ashley:  Yeah, I think that’s a good point to kind of recognize, too, is that on the journey, it can be common to like take a step back, right? Or like feel not as surefooted as you did feel, right? And so having you available, having even that group, I love the group. We know that like healing is so, it’s so much better when there’s a support system, when there’s a community. So like being able to bounce your ideas off of somebody else can really help re-center yourself, you know.

Ivy: Yeah, and realize that you’re not the only one because a lot of times we feel like we’re the only one that’s going through a particular challenge and that can also exacerbate shame and guilt and those things but when you hear other people’s stories you realize, “oh, you know, me too.” So you feel less alone.

Sam: Yeah, it’s so healing when we realize we’re not the only one, and I love the concept of intuition. This concept has been coming into my orbit a lot recently. We had Anita Johnston on an episode not too long ago, and she talks a lot about intuition and about how many of us are socialized to dismiss it, that it’s nothing to pay attention to, that it’s nonsense. To have a coach like you to nurture that intuition is so powerful to navigate our relationship with our bodies, but in everything in our lives. Like intuition can really guide us in so many different ways, but we have to be receptive to it. She talked about getting in that space of receptivity and to have a coach who can help you with that. I mean, that’s amazing stuff.

Ivy: Thank you. Yeah. I tell my clients from day one, I don’t want you to become reliant on me. That is not my goal. It’s not my goal to keep you meeting me. My goal is to help you get back to you. Diet culture has done enough of programming us to need some external source. My goal is to help you get back to your internal power and to stay connected to that, and that will guide you through anything.

Sam: Yeah. Oh, I love it. I know I’m thinking about diet culture and how we’re told what to eat in a day, you know, what we need to look like, what we need to weigh, what workout we need to be doing. And it’s like, where are the messages about getting in tune with what we already know, and our own wisdom? We don’t hear that ever. Because if we all were in touch with our intuition, we probably wouldn’t be buying anything. You know [inaudible] for sale anymore.

Ashley:  Marketing intentionally has strategies to target that lack of, not lack of intuition, but you know what I’m saying, like those insecurities.

Sam: The insecurities.

Ashley: Yeah.

Ivy: That really is that disconnection from the intuition. I like to say you’re repurning, right? And I tell my clients all the time, when we’re younger, when we’re babies, it’s sort of like, “I’m hungry, wah, wah,” you know? “I’m tired, I’m going to cry, I’m going to lay down because I’m tired,” babies fall asleep, you know? It’s sort of like, but when we get to school is when we sort of start that programing of everyone eats at the same time, everyone eats the same thing. Everyone goes to recess at the same time, you know? So that programming starts early to make us assimilate to culture when it comes to our bodies and we don’t know what our programming is because now we’re on a social clock. So it is a returning to that intuition and that intuitive knowing. And I’ve also noticed with my clients who have graduated and are in group coaching, that now their intuitive knowing that they’ve learned to tap into, it’s less about body image and about so many other things in our lives. Going to school, relationships, careers, they’re using it for that. You know, once you get past the body thing, it’s so much more.

Sam: Yeah. Oh, wow. I’m looking at the time, I realize we’re getting towards the end of the episode here. And I would like to end by asking you about resources you want to share, and especially how our listeners get in touch with you to learn more about your services. But as you’re thinking about these resources, I’d also love to share a quote that I saw from your Instagram that is really powerful. The quote is, “‘Your challenges may begin with your body, but your liberation goes beyond your body.'” And I just love that quote and I wanted to say it out loud so that our audience could hear it. But yes, we’d love to learn more about resources and how we can stay connected with you.

Ivy: Yes, absolutely. Everyone can visit the website, which is ivyfelicia.com. And as far as social media, my main and most comfortable place is Instagram. So I’m usually posting on there or over there. And as far as working with me, I do offer individual coaching as well as group coaching. Those who, you can always start with a body relationship breakthrough session. That’s sort of like the entry point. I encourage everyone to start there. If you schedule a body relationship breakthrough session, it is 90 minutes for us to just you and I to talk, for you to tell me about your body journey, your body challenges, and I really just listen intuitively and give you feedback on some of the things that you can do right now that can help you with your current challenges. And then I can also recommend my resources and my programs that will be the best fit for you. So if you’re not quite sure how to choose it, you’ve got a lot going on. You don’t know how to figure it out. Let’s talk there.

Sam: Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for coming on our show. We’re truly honored. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. And we’re just so grateful. Thank you.

Ivy: Thank you for having me. This has been a really good conversation and really poignant questions as well.

Ashley: Thank you so much, Ivy.

Ashley: Thank you for listening with us today on All Bodies. All Foods. presented by the Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders.

Sam: We’re looking forward to you joining us next time as we continue these conversations.

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